Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Emotional Intelligence (EI).

As per my earlier posts, It is clear that everything we react or our internal brain langauage is emotions. So, I tought its better to dig further to understand about the emotions. I found its really amazing that there were alots of expert already done a lot to it. Here is my extract of them with my own views.

Having intelligence about our own emotions means having more control with our reactions, which determines your personality and attitude. Here is how EI defined by Steve Hein
"The mental ability we are born with which gives us our emotional sensitivity and our potential for emotional learning management skills which can help us maximize our long term health, happiness and survival."

80 % of the human emotions are not expressed by words. It is surpressed or altered when it comes out as words. But the 100% of the emotions are expressed in body language. So, when we talk about understanding others emotions includes understanding of their body language.

Once its understood this will help in differenciating healthy ones to unhealthy one and change negative feelings to a positive ones. As you understand others emotions this also helps in communicating self to others.

This is common for both male and female. Emotions are same for both so, the difference only found in the way individual been grownup and lived.

Steve has made 10 habits, which will help improving the EI.

1, Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.
"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous.""I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk.""I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot." 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel thatFeelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.
"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."

4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions.
"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't"

5. Show respect for other people's feelings.
Ask other "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."

6. Feel energized, not angry.
Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.

7. Validate other people's feelings.
Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.

8. Practice getting a positive value from their your emotions.
Ask yourself: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?"Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?" 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.
Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.

10. Avoid people who invalidate you.
While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or give them psychological power over you.
Finally here is the link where you can check your level of Emotional Intelligence.

http://www.queendom.com/cgi-bin/tests/transfer.cgi

All the best for your better understanding of the emotions around you everyday you communicate.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Charisma, How does that matter to be a leader ?

Charisma, I was wondering what the leaders got extra to be a leader. I was trying to explore with google help. Here are my learnings about the same.

As Dr Tony defines charisma as " The ability to positively influence others by connecting with them physically, emotionally, and intellectually."

It is almost must to have charisma to become a people leader. As people tend to inspire these personalities and wants to be around them even in critical times.

Is these people born with charisma or can it be learnt ?
Some appearence part is true with in born quality, but most of them are not only learnt but adopted qualities.There is one more thing also true that no one is 100% charismatic as the person would become God. Some of the near charismatic persons are Vajpayee, Churchil, Clinton, Bill Gates and Arnold. People would love to be around them becuase of the magnetism then spread around.

As per Dr Tony, the Charisma is a combinations of skills, talent and appearence. Here are the list of them, which makes one a charismatic

1. Silent message...
It is something we unconsciously send out signals to others. Maybe we look them right in the eye, or maybe we stare at your shoes when you talk. Perhaps we slump your shoulders, or maybe we square them confidently. We may fail to smile naturally or shake hands firmly, or we might dress in a way that's not ourself. All these shape our image and affect the people whom we want to lead.

2. persuasive talent...
Charismatic executives can distill complex ideas into simple messages so that even the guy who sweeps the floor understands what the company stands for and why that's important.

3. ability to speak well...
We may have a zillion terrific ideas, but who will know if you can't articulate them?

4. listening skill...
Rarely taught and infrequently practiced, listening is nonetheless a key to communicating and making others feel special in his presence.

5. use of space and time...
Again, though it's often overlooked, use of spatial and temporal territories can make or break relationships.

6. ability to adapt to others...
Building rapport means understanding other people's personalities, then adapting your own behavior to increase compatibility.

7. vision, your ideas...
Regardless of how strong and persuasive a speaker you are, how adept you are at connecting with others, how well you listen, use your space or time, or send out silent signals, you've still got to have something to say…or you'll just be an empty suit.

These qualities defaults a self confident optimists with tones of positive attitude . So, it's not a single ingredient that makes a person charismatic, and, more important, charisma isn't based on I.Q., genetics, social position, wealth, or luck. Instead, it can be learned.

But as per my previous posts, change in one persons value is a diffcult one, and its not easy to change / learn values. It needs too many paradigam shifts, that has to happen to get the desired learning. These changes can be minimum when you are lucky and already have those values built in with you default.

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976 )

Friday, November 19, 2004

Great people with their intellinget quotes ;-)

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another"
-- George Bush, US President

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.”
– George Bush

Emotional and Rational brains and Computers !!!!

This is a first posting with the comparision between human brain and the computer system. I have taken some special insigt on the human emotions in this post.

From the days I learnt Computers, I always tried to relate the computer with the human. Computer works with Input/Output, CPU, Memory/Storage. The same 3 can be mapped to human very easily, we have 5 input devices like eyes, nose,ears, skin, and tongue. Entire human body with hands, legs, face and nerves can be mapped as output device to express or do something. Then CPU and memory are in human brain.

All the human input devices gathers information's in different formats like images, sound, feelings, taste and smell. But my quest always remaind that, the computer having binary language to interpret before processing, and what could be the equal language, which the brain understands.

After some readings, I came to the hypo conclusion that it could be emotions. Everything we see, hear, feel, taste and smell gets translated to emotions in limbic system or emotional brain. There are studies conducted on this and scientists identified more than 500 emotions. Based on the emotions the reactions initiated by the action brain into our nerves system.

I also learnt that before the action being taken there is a part ofa brain called neocortex, which does rationalise the emotions. The rational brain is also known as sixth sense. This rational brain plays a important role which differentiates one human being from the another. This is based on my understanding that, the personality or attitude of any individual determined by the reactions of that individual..

The neocortex actually rationalise thinking based on the knowledge base of what one has learnt over the years, which is we call it as memory in computer. So, from this understanding, neocortex can be trained. This training may also be called as brainwash.

One more interesting thing I found is that, every time we learn, the existing rational brain still apply the existing rules before accepting it. This reminds me of a recursive procedures :). So, from this, it is understood that, we are born with some basic rational rules, which may have been inherited from mothers emotions during the pregnant period( this is my pure guess ! ).

Rational bypass: This happens when the we need to react fast. Here the emotional brain directly initiates actions without consulting the rational brain. So, the actions mostly turns the worst or disastrous of any human being as its a lose of sixth sense specially provided to human being. Most of the murders, suicides, fights happens because of this. This also happens when the current emotional state is set in angry.

This is the first post on my thoughts with the relations between computer and human. I have much more of this sort, which I will publish later as its almost timeup for today ;)

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976 )


Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Discover the 90/10 Principle.

I aware of the 80/20 principle in the work place it is 20% of people does 80% of work" and in quality control it is "80% of time spent on 20% of problems". Here this 90/10 principle is something different and it deals with the things we deal in our every day life.



10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by
how you react

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. For example, we cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. The rest 90% is what we determine.

Let's use an example:

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened.

What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.

How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush
upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.

Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. If we understand and apply the 90/10 principle, we can reduce them all.

It CAN change your life***!!!!!!!

- Unknown

Monday, November 15, 2004

Back on the track

Hey guys...
It was a very long and nice holiday for me from nov 3rd to 15th. I was at home spending my most of the time with my niece and nephew.. also was roaming around the small town tuticorin.. It was real fun in the cool white beaches and the clean rivers..

Now am back in my track.. postings will start from tomorrow as am feeling sleepy today ;)

cia..
Saravana

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Get an attitude !!!

These are the wonderful practical thoughts which can help to change attitude if one can find the meaning to it.

Don't be afraid to admit when you know you are wrong.
It is not a sign of weakness,
but shows character and responsibility.
Others will respect you for that.


Always do the right things, even when everyone does as they please with no consideration for the feelings of others.


Never compromise your values and beliefs,
even if it means risking ridicule and rejection.
Be true to yourself.
Live your own life and don't allow others to decide what is best for you
If you do, you will be unhappy because you're untrue to yourself.


Refuse to run away from the things that scare you.
Confront these situations and overcome your fears so that you may grow as a person.


Don't compare yourself to others.
You are unique special being and therefore you should express your individuality.



Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trails keeps u Strong,
Sorrow keeps u Human, Failur keeps u Humble,
Success keeps u Glowing, But God only keeps u Going.


- Unknown

Friday, November 12, 2004

Property laws of a toddler :)

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Think to smile :)

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other
invention in human history, with the possible exception of
handguns and tequila."


"You are unique. Just like everybody else."

"You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for sure."

"Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening
all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working."


"It's getting late earlier"

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear
him... Is he still wrong?"

"I cannot articulate enough to express my dislike to people who think
that understanding spoils your experience...

How would they know?"

From Mafia vs. Ninja:
"You talk too much, let's fight."


"You are unique. Just like everybody else."