The Nice Guys Syndrom - A Dip Inside

In this age of overloaded crimes and terrorism in each and every part of the world, there is a last thing to be taken care is "the nice guys syndrom". There is a statistics that every 1 out of 4 american men are into this syndrom, but I dont have stats for Indian men. I belive its common everywhere so let me get some insight on this.

Dr. Glover had made a big buck out of this over a decade with his writings and therapy. http://nomoremrniceguy.com is the site which sells his therapy to the men in allover the globe.
I have spent some time exploring about this to find what this buzz is all all about. This is also because somebody told me that I am too nice to others. So here its all about the syndrom into the depth analysed.

Here are the list of things about a too nice guy.

• He is the relative who lets his wife run the show.
• He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles.
• He is the guy who frustrates his wife because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
• He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
• He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn't want to rock the boat.
• He is the dependable guy at work who will never say "no," but would never tell anyone if they were imposing on him.
• He is the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.

To be honest, I seriouly doubt whether I too have this syndrom ;). But given the fact that I almost all human beings are atleast born nice. Its not so clear as the line between nice and too nice is so thin to identify. But the guy with this syndrom is more of an desperate, insecure, dependent and probably depressed adult male.

The so called nice things are always related to female charectors and the same is mentioned by Glover that a nice guy is "a female perspective on masculinity." Somewhere Glover is raising men against the growing feminism, is what the concern from the feminists.

After some thought, I got a sense that nice guys simply lacking smartness. When they add the smartness as toppings to their base nice-guyism they achive most. One of this kinda example said by Glover is Clinton.

Fine, I think now its clear what a nice guy syndrom is all about and who they are !! As this charecteristics are mostly developed in the childhood, parents are the one having all responsibility to groom them with full self-esteem. The possible reasons for a man to getinto this are

• The men grown up with only females with no male support or contact.
• Boys who had no social support system
• Men had a depraved, abusive parents in his childhood.
• Having lack of confidence self-esteem.
• Not to mention the lack of testestrone, as it got to do something with this too

I think I can windup at this point, as the going further will repeat what Dr Glover had done already the for decades, which can be found from his website mentioned above.

There is one more dimention to this and its said that nice guys are the last one to get a girl friend or never. With this regards I have got some advice for teeny nice guys, from a "Ex Nice Guy" ( named Phoo) . He is writing on how to come out of this nice guy syndrom and have a girlfriend. Dr Glover is nothing to do with this individual's tricks, as his main concern is about more about matrure / married nice guys. Here Phoo has tried to classify masculine personalities, may be a interesting try. So I just have published it with his own words, here it goes...

The process of growing out of a nice guy?

Nice Guyius Maximus - wishes he was a girl, that girls would ask him out. Will not confront. Extremely sensitive, extremely emotional, easily infatuated. Wants to marry the girl after the first date.

Bitter Guy - realization of the nice guy being last, but still unable to fully embrace reality. This guy is realizing that what he thought was never reality and will never be reality. Bitter Guy ends when he understands that it is time to act like a MAN.

Decent Guy - still not able to utilize himself fully, still unable to fully propel his personality. Yet, he is now able to control his feelings. He stops getting easily infatuated, he stops telling the girl how he feels. He understands the Romance Game now, and is observing everything so he can jump in and play too. It's only a matter of time before he becomes...

Neat Guy - he has become comfortable with women, with even approaching women some of the time. Yet, still, he doesn't have that charm, that knack. If he keeps trying (i.e. getting rejected) he will eventually become...

Good Guy - Yes! This is what the girls are looking for. Men make towers, women cast webs. While men are stimulated through our eyes (such as in, "Mmmm... Hot chick!"), women are stimulated through their ears, through social contact ("He is so cool, fun, and smart!"). Good guys charm naturally; it requires no effort.
** Unfortunately, many former nice-guys don't get past their insecurity. They realize the methods but not the inner core. They begin to swing to the opposite extreme...

A Jerk - cares about only one thing. His charm has deteriorated due to him taking things for granted (his looks, his confidence, all pulling in gals).

So the last one is a over growth of a nice guy transformation :) Here I am comming to the conclu

As Dr Glover says comming out of this syndorom is not so easy and "It is a dramatic shift in paradigm." All the best nice guys to have his paradigam shift !!!

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976)