I born to be..

I born to laugh, but sometimes I do cry.
I born to be healthy, but sometimes I am sick too.
I born to be a boring, but sometimes I am interesting too.
I born to be a wild, but sometimes I am calm too.
I born to be stupid, but sometimes I am sharp too.
I born to be normal. yes I am.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Emotional Intelligence (EI).

As per my earlier posts, It is clear that everything we react or our internal brain langauage is emotions. So, I tought its better to dig further to understand about the emotions. I found its really amazing that there were alots of expert already done a lot to it. Here is my extract of them with my own views.

Having intelligence about our own emotions means having more control with our reactions, which determines your personality and attitude. Here is how EI defined by Steve Hein
"The mental ability we are born with which gives us our emotional sensitivity and our potential for emotional learning management skills which can help us maximize our long term health, happiness and survival."

80 % of the human emotions are not expressed by words. It is surpressed or altered when it comes out as words. But the 100% of the emotions are expressed in body language. So, when we talk about understanding others emotions includes understanding of their body language.

Once its understood this will help in differenciating healthy ones to unhealthy one and change negative feelings to a positive ones. As you understand others emotions this also helps in communicating self to others.

This is common for both male and female. Emotions are same for both so, the difference only found in the way individual been grownup and lived.

Steve has made 10 habits, which will help improving the EI.

1, Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.
"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous.""I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk.""I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot." 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel thatFeelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.
"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."

4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions.
"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't"

5. Show respect for other people's feelings.
Ask other "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."

6. Feel energized, not angry.
Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.

7. Validate other people's feelings.
Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.

8. Practice getting a positive value from their your emotions.
Ask yourself: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?"Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?" 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.
Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.

10. Avoid people who invalidate you.
While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or give them psychological power over you.
Finally here is the link where you can check your level of Emotional Intelligence.

http://www.queendom.com/cgi-bin/tests/transfer.cgi

All the best for your better understanding of the emotions around you everyday you communicate.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Charisma, How does that matter to be a leader ?

Charisma, I was wondering what the leaders got extra to be a leader. I was trying to explore with google help. Here are my learnings about the same.

As Dr Tony defines charisma as " The ability to positively influence others by connecting with them physically, emotionally, and intellectually."

It is almost must to have charisma to become a people leader. As people tend to inspire these personalities and wants to be around them even in critical times.

Is these people born with charisma or can it be learnt ?
Some appearence part is true with in born quality, but most of them are not only learnt but adopted qualities.There is one more thing also true that no one is 100% charismatic as the person would become God. Some of the near charismatic persons are Vajpayee, Churchil, Clinton, Bill Gates and Arnold. People would love to be around them becuase of the magnetism then spread around.

As per Dr Tony, the Charisma is a combinations of skills, talent and appearence. Here are the list of them, which makes one a charismatic

1. Silent message...
It is something we unconsciously send out signals to others. Maybe we look them right in the eye, or maybe we stare at your shoes when you talk. Perhaps we slump your shoulders, or maybe we square them confidently. We may fail to smile naturally or shake hands firmly, or we might dress in a way that's not ourself. All these shape our image and affect the people whom we want to lead.

2. persuasive talent...
Charismatic executives can distill complex ideas into simple messages so that even the guy who sweeps the floor understands what the company stands for and why that's important.

3. ability to speak well...
We may have a zillion terrific ideas, but who will know if you can't articulate them?

4. listening skill...
Rarely taught and infrequently practiced, listening is nonetheless a key to communicating and making others feel special in his presence.

5. use of space and time...
Again, though it's often overlooked, use of spatial and temporal territories can make or break relationships.

6. ability to adapt to others...
Building rapport means understanding other people's personalities, then adapting your own behavior to increase compatibility.

7. vision, your ideas...
Regardless of how strong and persuasive a speaker you are, how adept you are at connecting with others, how well you listen, use your space or time, or send out silent signals, you've still got to have something to say…or you'll just be an empty suit.

These qualities defaults a self confident optimists with tones of positive attitude . So, it's not a single ingredient that makes a person charismatic, and, more important, charisma isn't based on I.Q., genetics, social position, wealth, or luck. Instead, it can be learned.

But as per my previous posts, change in one persons value is a diffcult one, and its not easy to change / learn values. It needs too many paradigam shifts, that has to happen to get the desired learning. These changes can be minimum when you are lucky and already have those values built in with you default.

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976 )

Great people with their intellinget quotes ;-)

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- Lee Iacocca

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
-- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
-- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-- Al Gore, Vice President

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another"
-- George Bush, US President

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.”
– George Bush

Emotional and Rational brains and Computers !!!!

This is a first posting with the comparision between human brain and the computer system. I have taken some special insigt on the human emotions in this post.

From the days I learnt Computers, I always tried to relate the computer with the human. Computer works with Input/Output, CPU, Memory/Storage. The same 3 can be mapped to human very easily, we have 5 input devices like eyes, nose,ears, skin, and tongue. Entire human body with hands, legs, face and nerves can be mapped as output device to express or do something. Then CPU and memory are in human brain.

All the human input devices gathers information's in different formats like images, sound, feelings, taste and smell. But my quest always remaind that, the computer having binary language to interpret before processing, and what could be the equal language, which the brain understands.

After some readings, I came to the hypo conclusion that it could be emotions. Everything we see, hear, feel, taste and smell gets translated to emotions in limbic system or emotional brain. There are studies conducted on this and scientists identified more than 500 emotions. Based on the emotions the reactions initiated by the action brain into our nerves system.

I also learnt that before the action being taken there is a part ofa brain called neocortex, which does rationalise the emotions. The rational brain is also known as sixth sense. This rational brain plays a important role which differentiates one human being from the another. This is based on my understanding that, the personality or attitude of any individual determined by the reactions of that individual..

The neocortex actually rationalise thinking based on the knowledge base of what one has learnt over the years, which is we call it as memory in computer. So, from this understanding, neocortex can be trained. This training may also be called as brainwash.

One more interesting thing I found is that, every time we learn, the existing rational brain still apply the existing rules before accepting it. This reminds me of a recursive procedures :). So, from this, it is understood that, we are born with some basic rational rules, which may have been inherited from mothers emotions during the pregnant period( this is my pure guess ! ).

Rational bypass: This happens when the we need to react fast. Here the emotional brain directly initiates actions without consulting the rational brain. So, the actions mostly turns the worst or disastrous of any human being as its a lose of sixth sense specially provided to human being. Most of the murders, suicides, fights happens because of this. This also happens when the current emotional state is set in angry.

This is the first post on my thoughts with the relations between computer and human. I have much more of this sort, which I will publish later as its almost timeup for today ;)

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976 )

Discover the 90/10 Principle.

I aware of the 80/20 principle in the work place it is 20% of people does 80% of work" and in quality control it is "80% of time spent on 20% of problems". Here this 90/10 principle is something different and it deals with the things we deal in our every day life.

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by
how you react

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. For example, we cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. The rest 90% is what we determine.

Let's use an example:

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened.

What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.

How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush
upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.

Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. If we understand and apply the 90/10 principle, we can reduce them all.

It CAN change your life***!!!!!!!

- Unknown

Back on the track

Hey guys...
It was a very long and nice holiday for me from nov 3rd to 15th. I was at home spending my most of the time with my niece and nephew.. also was roaming around the small town tuticorin.. It was real fun in the cool white beaches and the clean rivers..

Now am back in my track.. postings will start from tomorrow as am feeling sleepy today ;)

cia..
Saravana

Get an attitude !!!

These are the wonderful practical thoughts which can help to change attitude if one can find the meaning to it.

Don't be afraid to admit when you know you are wrong.
It is not a sign of weakness,
but shows character and responsibility.
Others will respect you for that.


Always do the right things, even when everyone does as they please with no consideration for the feelings of others.


Never compromise your values and beliefs,
even if it means risking ridicule and rejection.
Be true to yourself.
Live your own life and don't allow others to decide what is best for you
If you do, you will be unhappy because you're untrue to yourself.


Refuse to run away from the things that scare you.
Confront these situations and overcome your fears so that you may grow as a person.


Don't compare yourself to others.
You are unique special being and therefore you should express your individuality.


Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trails keeps u Strong,
Sorrow keeps u Human, Failur keeps u Humble,
Success keeps u Glowing, But God only keeps u Going.

- Unknown

Property laws of a toddler :)

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Think to smile :)

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other
invention in human history, with the possible exception of
handguns and tequila."

"You are unique. Just like everybody else."

"You know nothing for sure...except the fact that you know nothing for sure."

"Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening
all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working."

"It's getting late earlier"

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear
him... Is he still wrong?"

"I cannot articulate enough to express my dislike to people who think
that understanding spoils your experience...
How would they know?"

From Mafia vs. Ninja:
"You talk too much, let's fight."

"You are unique. Just like everybody else."

Born yet another day !!!

Every day I wake up, I wonder I born again,
I was born inteligent, Oneday.
I was a emotional lump, another day.
I was so stupid,Yesterday.
And, I am irresistable, Today .
I really dont know what I will be for, Tomorrow.

Who makes the script for me daily,
For me to play every day.
Who controls my each day,
For me to follow every day.

With all the surprise and exitement of,
Who will make my next day,
Who will take my next day,
waiting for yet another new birth tomorrow.

Just mumbling the known quote,
Today is life,
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is mistry.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Fear of Failure !!

Yesterday I was having a long conversation with my best friend about the depression and failure. Actually it was more of a advice than a discussion :) But really she made my day. So no guess its dedicated to her. Here are some interesting over looks from the conversation. The entire thing is to tell how to overcome failure and fear of failure then to be sucessful.

My first question was "What is that extra the successful persons having than the one who just lives to die ? ". First thing is "passion" as I said it earlier. Still, it was a long debate that there are lots of other things which makes a person successful. Apart from all those reasons, onething which is commonly found is the courage to do things. This can be interpreted as Fear of Failure for unsucessful/unhappy people as fear or Fear of Failure.

When I searched my small memory, I found its true that I was happy ( even it failed) whenever I dared and did something( may be knowingly or unknowingly ). If you watchout carefully, you can see what I am saying is true.

Every time we fail, its not really a failure. It is just the feedback ( Quote from Robert Allen). The true failure is one, when we stop trying again just because we failed in the last attempt or just stop doing even before attempting it.

Buckminster Fuller wrote, "Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence only of trial and error experience. Humans have learned only through mistakes." The failures really gives us opertunity or tells that what we did wrong. This is called learning from the failure.

Then I asked "How to get out of this fear ? " The first thing on the cards was the positive thinking. I think I can do another publish only on this positive thinking, because it does real wonders. It is always good to plan what to do in case of failure, than just thinking only about failure. This will really increases the fear makes it more complicated. As a -ve thinker (:P), I came up with a question "what if one become over confidence or jerk ?". The answer came from my friend was "There is nothing called over confidence, If some one is telling, that he/she is over confidence or jerk, It should be a result of pure jelosy than anything else."

Another good one is that always we tend to take or attach failure to ourself or to a person. Failure actually is a feedback of what you did than what you are. If you really relate any failure with the actions or the way you did, It is going to reveal more opertunity to suceed in the next try.

Apart from all these thoughts, the first step is just taking actions than thinking about it.

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976)

Shakespeare the one who said it..

I always wanted to read Shakespeare, but I really took no effort. Here I read some of his quotes, which are wonderful..

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.

The miserable have no other medicine but only hope.

It is a wise father that knows his own child

Sweet are the uses of adversity.

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better

We know what we are, but know not what we may become

I count myselt in nothing else so happy As in a soul rememb'ring my good friends.

For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come.

--William Shakespeare

When did you become the God ?

Somebody told me that the God is everywhere,
I wonder you became the God to me.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Memorable dialogs from "Friends"

Here are some of the cool dialogs from Friends.. which I liked it most...

Phoebe : Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica : Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe : She was a drug dealer.

Monica : Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel : Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica : [On the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to?... Yes, hold on. [to Rachel]
Monica : Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel : But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica : That is the unusual activity.

Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler : I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler : When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me..

[Knock at the door - it's Rachel's sister, Jill]
Rachel : Oh my God, Jill.
Jill Green : Oh my God, Rachel.
Chandler : Oh my God, introduce us.

Joey : [thinking] OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel. [Rachel walks into the room]
Rachel : Hey, sweetie.
Joey : [thinking] I love you.

[Monica creeps up on Chandler, in the men's room]
Monica : You know, Chandler, I've always found public men's rooms to be quite sexy. Haven't you?
Chandler : No. And, if I did, I don't think we would be seeing each other.

Rachel : Then the waiter spilled water down my back, and my boob popped out.
Phoebe : Oh, No
Rachel : It's okiee. I have nice boobs.

Phoebe : They don't know we know they know we know. And Joey, you can't say anything. Joey : Couldn't if I wanted to.

Rachel : Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy, " and it *is* a big deal.

[when Joey asks why Chandler's friend is called Gandalf]
Chandler : Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in High School?
Joey : No. I had sex in High School.

Phoebe : I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up.
Monica : No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?
Phoebe : [pauses] Because I'm normal.

Monica : Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel : So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.

Phoebe : My New Year's Resolution is to pilot a commercial jet plane.
Chandler : That's great Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler : Condoms?
Joey : We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler : And condoms are the way to do that?

Monica : I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross.
Rachel : I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.

Rachel : Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming.

[Phoebe and her ex-boyfriend David meet again after a few years of being apart]
Phoebe : You got a haircut.
David : Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em.
Joey : [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. [Yelling]
Joey : Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel : That is the Coast Guard.
Joey : What are they doing in the river then, they should be Guardig the Coast..

Joey : I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years.
Chandler : That was five years ago.
Joey : I know. You got five more years.
Chandler : Joey...
Joey : You want to make it six?


Monica : Yeah, like Ross and Rachel are so responsible. Emma is the product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.

Some more thoughts from Floyd Maxwell

As I said earlier, here am publishing some more thougts and quotes from my fav. Floyed Maxwell...

You only have power over people so long as you don't takeeverything away from them.
When you've robbed a man ofeverything,
he's no longer in your power -- he's free again.
- Alexander

Try to learn something about everythingand everything about something.
- Thomas Henry Huxley

A beautiful thing is never perfect.
- Egyptian proverb

No amount of study or learning will make a man a leader
unless he has the natural qualities of one.
- Archibald

As smile is a curve that can set things straight.
- Unknown

Life is a tough balancing act !!!

Ever you thought, how much we have to balance ourself just to avoid becoming a jerk or stupid or unloveable. In our every day life, we have to pretend, just because to live in this socity and with the loved ones.

Today, I just wanted to be myself for sometime (May be a really bad guy :P ). The thought came, when I was riding my bike. It was not even 10 mins, when I heard a traffic constable shouting at me "abey subha subha 500 fine barneka ?" ( Why the heck u want to pay 500 rs fine in the morning). So, Its like, I just cant be myself and need to compramise / pretend everywhere. It is very easy to get a bad name in socity or family or in workplace.

Mostly balancing needed between career and personal life, which needs greater degree of balancing act. where both are important to any one. It gets worsen when spuose, kids and boss started expecting more from one.

It is also lucky to have an understanding people around you, where you dont need to pretend much. One can really have a wonderful life, when the family, socity and his workplace is understanding /flexible.

The balancing act is going to be there as long as human are social animal. So, atleast lets have a better understanding of our own family, friends and colleagues to make this world a wonderful world.

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Soul Soothing Evening !!!

It was the october evening,
I was standing next to the arabian sea.
Flashing colors in the sky that,
fantasizing my eyes.
Crossing breeze that,
smooching every where.
Blooming sea freshness, Its
blossom sneeking my nose,
Smoothing waves which,
singing in my ears.
Chilling wine that
slipping in my mouth,
The Evening that
lighting my heart,

Just wondering,
Why to die to be in heaven !!!

Friends over but Joey remains !!!

Hope you heard the much awaited show "Joey" (http://www.joeytv.net/) started in NBC.

After a brillient ever taken commedy a romantic comedy show "Friends" (http://www.friendscafe.org/friends.php ), nbc started showing Joey. Yes the same marvelous actor Matt Le Blanc (my favorate in Friends) carrying on with the new one. I am not sure how much he is signed for. Hope its more than 2 Million $ / show he got in friends.

Not sure, when its gonna be available in india...

Light up life with passion !!!

Have you ever wondered, "Why am I living here ?". Then you are living a life with no passion, which is a life which is dark and torpid.

To get life active, passion is very much important. It is the key to a successful and happy life. All having ambition and dreams always not achieve or been happy on what they did. It is true that, people with passion have achieved their ambitions and and a happy life than one with none.

Once Ms Sudha Murthy, President Infosys foundation was giving interview about her husband Narayan murthy and her own success, She said, "We just had Passion and knowledge than any other business background or people connections to achieve what are now".

Adding some emotion and positive thoughts to whatever one do andwill make them a passionable. It is like adding a pinch of salt, which makes all the difference in the taste of a food. You can feel the difference, when you add passion to every simple thing you do.

So, just find passion within yourself and start applying it on everything you do, you will feel that your life started glittering with new bright lights.

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976)

God ?? Beat him black and blue !!!

This is what I thought, when I was 15. Still hav'nt got any good reason to change. I am not sure whether some one else in this world would share the same . But let me express what I think here.. hurreee .. thnx blogger ;)

Till I was 15, I had been going to temple every week with my mom and worship Gods (Hinduism has 30 Cr Gods) with a great belief. And also I do daily morning prayer, before start doing anything. One day I was depressed, I was wondering what is the difference God makes for the one who prays daily, weekly or never. I had friends of all nature and I could come to conclution that, it was obvious that everyone were having their own best timings and worst timings. So, I went ahead and analysed some more depth of it. This is how I started it.

Now leme answer, Why I want to beat God black and blue?

Here is what the two points I have learnt about the God.

• One is that, the God is the ultimate power in this universe (Any religion you can think of, is saying so). Which means, He only created and controlling anything to everything in this world.
• And the another one is that, One has to pray (beg / bribe / praise / cry) the God, so that He will look at you and listen to you and will help you in anything you ask for. (This may be true for physiological way, which I am getting into in the later part)

From the above 2 statements, I asked my self, if God is so powerful, ultimate and have created and controlling this world, then what is that he wants from me by getting me into this world, and create a drama for each day for my life and play with me ?

Is he trying to experiment something? Or doing some kind of time pass? How rude, He is to play with one poor human being whom he created or can control. How bad he is to ask for prayers (I donno whether he asked any one, but my every asked to pray) All these questions led me to the final statement "If God is some one who can understand what I think/say/do and he can still control me/my thougts/my life, then I want to beat Him to death (!!?? too much ist it, but he deserves it :P ) .

Before you blast me with, “Faith heals”, “Don’t question God”. “God is one whom we can’t understand from our mortal brain” or “It is just impossible“. As I understood, it is stupid to search for God with our mind and knowledge. Still, My basic idealogy remains.

I asked my self thousands time “If God made us then who made God? “, but at certain level it bounces out of the logical brain. As I failed in every attempt, I am not going to argue anything on this. Still my idea about God remains same, as it is from my tangible mind.

This actually may leads to total spiritualism. Which I may cover later in.

Last but no least for the matter of fact, I still pray to God, when I am in deep trouble (Can’t help it :-D as I hav’nt yet find anything solid, than what I grown up with)

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a Matrix ?

I have been hearing about this for long time, but I never bothered to check what this NLP is all about. I was having idea that this is very much like a Neural Networks or AI programming techniques, which I learnt all over my college days. But, today i was scanning through the net for this, and found its a interesting one, that atleast one should know what it is, than learning / practicing them.

From my all one day learning, I can simply state that, NLP is a program, which our brain can run. Assume that our brain is a superset of a computer processer and its also running some kinda program/Code, which was written by GOD (??!! or its simply "The Matrix" ). This is a initiative to study the execution codes from one brain and inplant the same in another brain.
By saying this, it has a very clear limitation that it is not possible to program which is out of human thoughts.

The very most objective of this NLP, is to transfer intelligence or skill learnt from one to another brain. For example, if Newton or Einsteen could model ( here onwards i will mention program as model) their thought process, so that any one can import them into our brain to act /think like Newton or Einsteen, after all the same brain (atleast physically) was there for newton and Einsteen. Seems something like UFO stuff ?? But there are guys called "NLPers" around the globe practicing this method and confirming, that this works. They say the challenge lies not only in learning or understanding the complex structures but also in adopting them.

The very basics of this NLP is that once you understand that you create your internal world, you realize you can change it.

There are lots of trainers, who masterd this art and making good money out of it. This also used in phyco therapy to heal some phobic disorders. Learning this may actually help to enhance all aspects of your life from improving your relationships with loved ones, learning to teach effectively, gaining a stronger sense of self esteem, greater motivation, better understanding of communication, enhancing your business or career, bending steel bars in a single bound and an enormous amount of other things that involve the use of your brain.

Here is a link where you can find, what really NLP is all about. http://www.nlpinfo.com/intro/txintro.shtml

If any one interested in this can send me a feed back to get more information and materials about this :-)

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this interesting than a quotes.. just check it out..

Beliefs that someone practicing NLP will find useful for creating changes in themselves and the world, more easily and effectively. The emphasis here should be on "useful" not whether each one could be proven to be "true". Practitioners of NLP often include different presuppositions in their list but what follows are the most common.

• Communication is more than what you're saying.
• The body communicates constantly in ways that go far beyond words.
• People already have all the resources they need to effect a change.
  (The resources just weren't lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time.)
• Choice is better than no choice.
• Every behavior serves a positive intention and a context in which it has value.
  (The behavior may never lead to that positive intention but that part of you can learn new behaviors that do. As to a context that has value, imagine overeating at an expensive brunch (got your moneys worth didn't you?). Go with me on this one, it really helps.)
• There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.
  (Every response is useful, you may hate the response but the knowledge you gain from it is valuable. )
• If someone can do something, then it can be modeled and taught to anyone else.
• The map is not the territory.
  (We cannot contain every bit of information that comes to us in the world, so we have to create a "map of the territory" and then refer to the map for our information (see representational systems). By changing a person's map, we change their reality. )
• The meaning of your communication is the response you get.
  (If you get slapped, try anything else.)
• If you aren't getting the response you want, try something different.
• People work perfectly.
  (No one is "broken". They are functioning perfectly in what they are doing now (even if it is ruining their life), it's a matter of finding how they function now, so that we can help them change into doing something they consider more desirable.)
  
  

People Manipulation using mental shortcuts

Have you ever thought about our mental shortcuts ? Here I am trying to expore more on this and to give more insight about it.

Its worth giving a example than explain that. Have you ever wonder, how you reached your home / office / school today ? You have'nt asked any one. You have'nt even thought about whether you are going in the right way. Same is to the driving, are you giving the same attention to the gear change that you have given earlier? Well, it has been automated after few repeatation. These all called automatic behaviour.

Take another example of a news you read today in the news paper. Have you ever thought, you need to verify it ? No, you just belived it. You have taken the shortcut to belive that anything comes in "Times of India" or "The Hindu" headline is true. But you still doubt what ever comes in 3rd page gossip. These are all the shortcuts you take based on the automatic behaviour.

Think Pepsi.

Now guess, What the college guys are drinking ?

Did you really thought they are drinking milk ? C'mon then you never seen any ad in TV.

This is called relative manipulation. showing or telling something and then ask a related question which the persons brain is already trained to take shortcuts. He will defenatly land on the answer you expected.

We all know whats the meaning of "Sale", which all shopes does. But, we know the another meaning of it when it is displayed in the shop. People are going to pour into the shop and buy, even if they have increased the price and and selling them. This is how any one can be get maniputlated by their brain taking shortcuts.

There are some preinstalled rules ( shortcuts got installed ) in our brain, one example of that is "if some one helps you, you owe him a favour in return". This can be used in selling something by offering trails or samples. When you are offered free juice or something, what you gonna do ? Atleast you would be thinking of buying one, if its not that worse. But this mind set never comes easily, when a sales person just asking you to buy them telling its qualities.

This world is so complex, as our mind is too. It learns everthing without you knowing it as the learning also an automated one.

Shortcuts are very much essential to our life in everything we do in our daily life. Its impossible to imagine living with no shortcuts. As we dont even know that we are using shortcuts and we do have no control over them. In the same time whenever we use them we stand vulnerable.

Our mind is with countless shortcuts and we still learning daily. Its easy for any one to manipulte us with the shortcuts as well to create a new shortcut.

Going further this direction I think I will become a manipulator ;)

- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

SAVING IS SIN, SPENDING IS VIRTUE !!!

After a long journy of my own writings ( may be inspired by some one else :-P), this is one sort am just copy pasting the article as its much better and I cant add more into this. This could be useful to anyone, Imperative for some, void for the rest.

Japanese save a lot. They do not spend much. Also
Japan exports far more than it imports. Has an annual
trade surplus of over $100 billions, yet Japanese
economy is considered weak, even collapsing. Americans
spend, save little. Also US imports more than it
exports. Has an annual trade deficit of over $400
billion. Yet, the American economy is considered
strong and trusted to get stronger. But where from do
Americans get money to spend? They borrow from Japan,
China and even India. Virtually others save for the US
to spend.


Global savings are mostly invested in US, in dollars.
India itself keeps its foreign currency assets of over
$50 billions in US securities. China has sunk over
$160 billion in US securities. Japan's stakes in US
securities is in trillions. Result: The US has taken
over $5 trillion from the world. So, as the world
saves for the US, Americans spend freely.


Today, to keep the US consumption going, that is for
the US economy to work, other countries have to remit
$180 billion every quarter, that is 2 billion a day,
to the US! Otherwise the US economy would go for a
six. So will the global economy. The result will be no
different if US consumers begin consuming less.

A Chinese economist asked a neat question. Who has
invested more, US in China, or China in US? The US has
invested in China less than half of what China has
invested in US. The same is the case with India. We
have invested in US over $50 billion.


But the US has invested less than $20 billion in
India. Why the world is after US? The secret lies in
the American spending, that they hardly save. In fact
they use their credit cards to spend their future
income. That the US spends is what makes it attractive
to export to the US. So US imports more than what it
exports year after year. The result: The world is
depend! ent on US consumption for its growth. By its
deepening culture of consumption, the US has
habituated the world to feed on US consumption. But as
the US needs money to finance its consumption, the
world provides the money. It's like a shopkeeper
providing the money to a customer so that the customer
keeps buying from the shop. The customer will not buy,
the shop won't have business, unless the shopkeeper
funds him.

The US is like the lucky customer. And the world is
like the helpless shopkeeper financier. Who is
America's biggest shopkeeper financier? Japan of
course. Yet its Japan which is regarded as weak.
Modern economists complain that Japanese do not spend,
so they do not grow.
To force the Japanese to spend, the Japanese
government exerted it self. Reduced the savings rates,
even charged! the savers. Even then the Japanese did
not spen! d (habits don't change, even with taxes, do
they?). Their traditional postal savings alone is
over$1.2 trillions, about three times the Indian GDP.
Thus, savings, far from being the strength of Japan,
has become its pain.


Hence, what is the lesson?


That is, a nation cannot grow unless the people spend,
not save. Not just spend, but borrow and spend. Dr.
Jagdish Bhagwati, the famous Indian-born economist in
the US, told Manmohan Singh that Indians wastefully
save. Ask them to spend, on imported cars and,
seriously,
even on cosmetics! This will put India on a growth
curve. "Saving is sin, and spending is virtue." Before
you follow this neo economics, get some fools to save
so that you can borrow from them and spend. This is
what US has successfully done in last few decades.

The Nice Guys Syndrom - A Dip Inside

In this age of overloaded crimes and terrorism in each and every part of the world, there is a last thing to be taken care is "the nice guys syndrom". There is a statistics that every 1 out of 4 american men are into this syndrom, but I dont have stats for Indian men. I belive its common everywhere so let me get some insight on this.

Dr. Glover had made a big buck out of this over a decade with his writings and therapy. http://nomoremrniceguy.com is the site which sells his therapy to the men in allover the globe.
I have spent some time exploring about this to find what this buzz is all all about. This is also because somebody told me that I am too nice to others. So here its all about the syndrom into the depth analysed.

Here are the list of things about a too nice guy.

• He is the relative who lets his wife run the show.
• He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, but whose own life seems to be in shambles.
• He is the guy who frustrates his wife because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
• He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
• He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn't want to rock the boat.
• He is the dependable guy at work who will never say "no," but would never tell anyone if they were imposing on him.
• He is the man whose life seems so under control, until BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.

To be honest, I seriouly doubt whether I too have this syndrom ;). But given the fact that I almost all human beings are atleast born nice. Its not so clear as the line between nice and too nice is so thin to identify. But the guy with this syndrom is more of an desperate, insecure, dependent and probably depressed adult male.

The so called nice things are always related to female charectors and the same is mentioned by Glover that a nice guy is "a female perspective on masculinity." Somewhere Glover is raising men against the growing feminism, is what the concern from the feminists.

After some thought, I got a sense that nice guys simply lacking smartness. When they add the smartness as toppings to their base nice-guyism they achive most. One of this kinda example said by Glover is Clinton.

Fine, I think now its clear what a nice guy syndrom is all about and who they are !! As this charecteristics are mostly developed in the childhood, parents are the one having all responsibility to groom them with full self-esteem. The possible reasons for a man to getinto this are

• The men grown up with only females with no male support or contact.
• Boys who had no social support system
• Men had a depraved, abusive parents in his childhood.
• Having lack of confidence self-esteem.
• Not to mention the lack of testestrone, as it got to do something with this too

I think I can windup at this point, as the going further will repeat what Dr Glover had done already the for decades, which can be found from his website mentioned above.

There is one more dimention to this and its said that nice guys are the last one to get a girl friend or never. With this regards I have got some advice for teeny nice guys, from a "Ex Nice Guy" ( named Phoo) . He is writing on how to come out of this nice guy syndrom and have a girlfriend. Dr Glover is nothing to do with this individual's tricks, as his main concern is about more about matrure / married nice guys. Here Phoo has tried to classify masculine personalities, may be a interesting try. So I just have published it with his own words, here it goes...

The process of growing out of a nice guy?

Nice Guyius Maximus - wishes he was a girl, that girls would ask him out. Will not confront. Extremely sensitive, extremely emotional, easily infatuated. Wants to marry the girl after the first date.

Bitter Guy - realization of the nice guy being last, but still unable to fully embrace reality. This guy is realizing that what he thought was never reality and will never be reality. Bitter Guy ends when he understands that it is time to act like a MAN.

Decent Guy - still not able to utilize himself fully, still unable to fully propel his personality. Yet, he is now able to control his feelings. He stops getting easily infatuated, he stops telling the girl how he feels. He understands the Romance Game now, and is observing everything so he can jump in and play too. It's only a matter of time before he becomes...

Neat Guy - he has become comfortable with women, with even approaching women some of the time. Yet, still, he doesn't have that charm, that knack. If he keeps trying (i.e. getting rejected) he will eventually become...

Good Guy - Yes! This is what the girls are looking for. Men make towers, women cast webs. While men are stimulated through our eyes (such as in, "Mmmm... Hot chick!"), women are stimulated through their ears, through social contact ("He is so cool, fun, and smart!"). Good guys charm naturally; it requires no effort.
** Unfortunately, many former nice-guys don't get past their insecurity. They realize the methods but not the inner core. They begin to swing to the opposite extreme...

A Jerk - cares about only one thing. His charm has deteriorated due to him taking things for granted (his looks, his confidence, all pulling in gals).

So the last one is a over growth of a nice guy transformation :) Here I am comming to the conclu

As Dr Glover says comming out of this syndorom is not so easy and "It is a dramatic shift in paradigm." All the best nice guys to have his paradigam shift !!!

- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976)

A Lateral Thinking- Every live in this world are selfish !!!

Oops!!! one of my friend 2day stimulated my brain to think think about selfishness.
I was wondering, if any one really there in this world with absolute selfishness. I found practically it is looking imposible to live without selfishness.

When you take the case of one who claims they are selfless and devote themself for others happiness. Eventhough everybody agrees that it is selflessness, technically i feel they also selfish, in the way they want to be happy when they see others peaceful and happy. ( what a cruel thinking is it :P)

Take another case of one hurting/cheating/killing etc. another for some selfish reason, that inturn turns out to be that he did that because he wants to be happy / getrid of pain by doing so.

This remainds me of the Darwin's struggle for existence theory, which proves that this is true. Every life in this earth has to struggle to live all the time. If this is the life then one has to always fight for self happiness ( incl. food, drink, affirmation .. etc.).

So, It goes like one cant be a truely selfless and live in this world practically. After all we are mortals and its a struggle living here. So, I feel the selfishness can be for good cause selfish and bad cause selfish than selfishness and selflessness. So, its better not to be guilty being selfish some time.

It may invite lots of critics ;) but still the truth remains there....


- Saravana Kumar ( Since 1976)

The first ever quote "Change" from me !!

ha, this would be my first ever writen quote by me, which sparked when i was driving ??!! here it goes...

You are the only one, who can change yourself,
The only one you can change is yourself.
- Saravana Kumar (Since 1976)

Interesting quotes from "First Break All the Rules"

Here again some quotes from "First Break All the Rules".. These to help managers to select and manage people.

• Your talents are the behaviors you find yourself doing often..
• People don't change much.
• Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out. Try to draw out what was left in. That is hard enough.
• Great managers look inward... Great leaders, by contrast, look outward... Great managers are not simply managers who have developed sophistication.
• Only the presence of talents can explain why, all other factors being equal, some people excel in the role and some struggle
• As manager you need to know exactly which talents you want.
• Great talents need great managers if they are to be turned into performance.
• Each employee breathes different psychological oxygen.
• In the minds of great managers, consistent poor performance is not primarily a matter of weakness, stupidity disobedience, or disrespect. It is a matter of miscasting

Skills,Knowledge and talents - Management

Today I came across mapping people skill, talent and competence requirements. On the way I learnt this interesting classification of skill, knowledge and talents from "First Break All the Rules" by Marcus Buckingham, Curt Coffman from Gallup. here is the important principle of that book, that I have taken it from http://decker.typepad.com/ ...


Skills, Knowledge, and Talents: What is the difference among the three?
Great managers are not troubled by the fact that there is a limit to how much they can rewire someone’s brain.

Skills, knowledge, and talents are distinct elements of a person’s performance. The distinction among the three is that skills and knowledge can easily be taught, whereas talents cannot.

Skills are the how-to’s of a role.

The best way to teach a skill is to break down the total performance into steps, which the student then reassembles. And, naturally, the best way to learn a skill is to practice.

Your knowledge is simply “what you are aware of.”

There are two kinds of knowledge: factual knowledge – things you know; and experiential knowledge – understandings you have picked up along the way.
Factual knowledge for an accountant would be knowing the rules of double-entry bookkeeping. Experiential knowledge is a little different. Through this kind of musing or reflection you can start to see patterns and connections. You can start to understand.

Talents are a different phenomena altogether.

A love of precision is not a skill. Nor is it knowledge. It is a talent.

Three Kinds of Talent - Striving talents, thinking talents and relating talents
Striving talents explain the why of a person. They explain why he gets out of bed every day, why he is motivated to push and push just that little bit harder. Is he intensely competitive or intensely altruistic or both? Does he define himself by his technical competence, or does he just want to be liked?

Thinking talents explain the how of a person. They explain how he thinks, how he weighs up alternatives, how he comes to his decisions.

Relating talents explain the who of a person. They explain whom he trusts, whom he builds relationships with, whom he confronts, and whom he ignores.

I find this incredibly important simply because managers and people tend to try to change others. Sometimes managers try to 'develop' talents, when it is almost impossible to do so. This foundational concept leads to the next profound principle: Put people in positions where they can leverage their talents. They will be more successful, productive, and happy.

The crush that crashed me :)

Oops!!! I have writen this.. I cant belive, but I think with real deep emotions any one can do .. So u got it :P Heres what I felt so ....

The moment i met you,
you become everything i had in my life.
The moment you left me,
I lost everything i had in my life...
I am so alone,
which I never ever felt..
Who given you so much power,
to drew everthing, so I have nothing left ?
Who taken all my powers,
that I lost everything with no resist ?
Still, I am not dead and have to live,
and wishing this state wont persist.
I started making my new life,
by ignoring this simple emotional burst.
And, sure not to give this to any other stranger
who just gonna passes by next...
But, Stilll....

- Saravana :)

Some interesting quotes

I have subscribed to Floyd Maxwell's just think it group. hes just amazing guy as he sends out ever refreshing quotes and thoughts to thousands of its members non-stop for years. I have a very good collection of them. Just check out his website ( http://www.just-think-it.com/bio.htm ) I thought its better to publish some of them in my blog... and here it goes...

First one is of his own favorite..

"People don't care how much you know,
until they know how much you care,
about them."
- Zig Ziglar

Great minds discuss ideas,
average minds discuss events,
small minds discuss people.
- FM

No amount of study or learning will make a man a leader
unless he has the natural qualities of one.
- Archibald Wavell

After all we are all mortals,
and every person really understands that "we will all die some day" then why do we worry about events and objects?
We are like tourists; we come and go on this planet Earth.Make the best of your visit and when you have to go, makesure you have with you something that cannot die.
- Shantinath

Of all knowledge,
the wise and good seek mostto know themselves.
- William Shakespeare

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish proverb

The happy people are those who are producing something;
the bored people are those who are consuming much andproducing nothing.
- William Ralph Inge

Everyone excels in something in which another fails.
- Latin proverb

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work,
ask him "Who's?"
- Don Marquis (1878-1937)

If you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him,
you may say with confidence that he is a good man.
- Fyodor Mikhaylovich Dostoevsky (1821-1881)

Its all I had time today to post.. will post whenever get time again...

Laws of software programming :-)

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any given program costs more and takes longer.

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.

Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.

Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want
to use it.

Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Gallois' Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

Check on American Intelligence :-)

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the
Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that
it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she
knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right
questions," says the Queen.

" Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr.
Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, Your Highness."

"Correct! Thank you and good-bye sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes Your Highness. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the
Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He
summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I
wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, Mr. President. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get
back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of
other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question
for
several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in
desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and
explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I
know the answer now Mr. President. It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies with condescending disgust, "Wrong, you dumb
ass, it's Tony Blair !!"

A Friend

2day nothing much happend than a tiring work.. still one fren gonna have a farewell day and felt so much about friends and sent this...

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine if, we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner! yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir" "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love or like someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and
tell someone what they mean to you. Because when
you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most
importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have
helped make you the person that you are today.

Getting inside "Love"

I found this when one of my fren asked what is "Love".. I found this interesting so its here in my blog...

Love For Needs...

The power of attraction which we call love is expressed on many levels and in countless ways. The most basic level is that of need. We often use the word love when we really mean, "need".

We say, "I love you." But, if we analyze ourselves deeply, we will realize learn we really mean, "I need you." This is the basic message of most love songs. They lament with sadness, pain, agony and cry out "you left me, I cannot live without you. I need you."

This is not the highest form of love. It is love mixed with need, attachment and addiction. If it were pure love and the other was happier by leaving us or even happier with someone else, we would be happy for him or her, not full of sadness for ourselves. Loving others means wanting them to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that they are guided to be.

Love does not create the pain we feel when someone leaves us or rejects us. That pain is generated by our dependency upon that person for our security, pleasure or affirmation.

Needs and attachments create fear, pain and suffering.

Love creates happiness, fulfillment and the experience of our True Selves.


Needing Those Who Make Us Feel Secure

We look to others for security. We might seek security from our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, ministers, spiritual teachers or others.

We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct our feelings of security or if they decide to leave or ignore us, will we still love them?

If our employer fires us, will we still love him or her? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or is our love tightly woven with the need for security?

If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they become street artists, beggars or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.

The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In each case where we perceive our heart closing, we need to discover what we fear in that situation. What might we believe is in danger? Most frequently we lose our love when we fear that our security, self-worth, freedom or pleasure are in danger.

Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual awakening or on our faith in the Divine, will we be able to love without security attachments.

Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them steadily.

Society has caused us to completely confuse this matter. We believe that if we love others, then we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity.

This is a lack of awareness of our inner spiritual nature and our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.

Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love, there can be no fear".


Needing Others for Pleasure

Let us examine how our needs for pleasure and affirmation can limit and distort our experience of love.

We create relationships that give us pleasure and affirmation as well as security. We may be dependent upon the other for money, shelter, sex, travel, clothing, encouragement, compliments, humor, tasty food, a clean house, comforts, or even his or her beauty.

Yet, if he or she stops providing these for us, or decides to provide them for someone else, do we continue loving that person or do we feel hurt, disillusioned, and overcome with feelings of injustice, anger and perhaps revenge?

The condition here is that "I love as long as you provide me pleasure, happiness or excitement. If you stop, my feelings change." It is conditional love.

Needing Others for Affirmation

We may also depend on someone for affirmation. This may take various forms.

1. We are affirmed when others obey us. "You listen to me and do what I say. I can control you. That makes me feel powerful and worthy. If, however, you stop doing whatever I say, I will stop feeling love and unity with you."

This becomes a problem for parents when their children move into adolescence. This can also occur between spouses. In many countries a wife might be suppressed at first, and thus, the husband feels powerful and affirmed. If, however, she begins to think and act for herself, he begins to panic and can become angry and sometimes aggressive. The roles may also be reversed where the woman controls and feels affirmed.

2. We also feel affirmation when someone needs us or is dependent on us. This could occur between parent and child, teacher and student, friends, or between the "savior" and the "needy."

In these cases, the "needed" feels affirmed by and perhaps superior to the "needy". This is one aspect of codependency. Some of us find meaning in life because someone needs us or depends on us. If however, the other doesn't want to be the child, the student or the needy one anymore, do we feel the same attraction and love? If not, our love is mixed with our need to be "needed".

In such a case, we need to give, offer, and sacrifice in order to feel useful, worthy or boost our self-image. If this is the case, then all that we offer in these situations, all our sacrifices, are actually for ourselves and not for the others.

That does not negate the fact that others may actually need us, or that we also simultaneously have feelings of altruistic love. We are often motivated by two or three motives simultaneously

3. A third aspect of this attraction for affirmation is the situation in which we "love" those "who affirm our rightness", either verbally by telling us we are right, or simply by belonging to the same social, political, religious or spiritual group and thus embrace a similar belief system.

"I love you because you agree with me, you are like me, you affirm me". If they change beliefs and convert to another political party, religion, or spiritual group, will we feel the same closeness and "love?" Perhaps yes, perhaps no.

A fourth aspect of this affirmation principle is infatuation - called "Eros" (in Greek "erotas") or "falling in love". In this case there is a mutual (occasionally only one-sided) infatuation on the physical, sexual, emotional and sometimes mental level. This is a special attraction between two persons who excite, bring joy to and stimulate each other positively. This positive stimulation often has to do with the needs for security, pleasure and affirmation.

This intensity of these feelings seldom lasts more than a few years. The couple then has the possibility of transforming their "Eros" into a steady form of unconditional love, or facing the sadness of conflict and / or separation. Sooner or later, we will come face to face with the other's various negative aspects, and if we cannot love them as they are, the relationship suffers.

So Where the love is...

Until we are able to love unconditionally, we will be unhappy, insecure and frequently in conflict with those around us. We will be able to do this only when we have matured sufficiently so as to experience inner security, inner satisfaction, inner freedom and a steady feeling of self-worth.

In other words, we can love purely only those who we do not need.

When we need others, we cannot love them unconditionally. This might be difficult to comprehend at first, but deep thought and observation will prove it to be true. Being able to love without conditions is a basic prerequisite for both a happy life and spiritual evolution.

Now I'm here and history is vindicated

Something interesting thought i heard from a fren 2day.. Its from the comics "Calvin and Hobbes". nyway.. Check out the conversation here...

Calvin: I've been thinking, Hobbes.

Hobbes: On a weekend?

Calvin: Well, it wasn't on purpose. I believe history is a force. Its unalterable tide sweeps all people and institutions along in its unrelenting path. Everyone and everything serves history's single purpose.

Hobbes: And what is that purpose?

Calvin: To produce me, of course. I'm the end result of history.

Hobbes: You?

Calvin: Think of it, thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact specific parents, whose only reason for being, obviously, was me. All history up to this point has been spent preparing the world for my presence.

Hobbes: Hmm! Four-and-a-half billion years probably wasn't long enough.

Calvin: Now I'm here and history is vindicated.

Hobbes: So now that history has brought you, what are you going to do?

Peter Principle

"..in evolution systems tend to develop up to the limit of their adaptive competence.."


The Peter Principle was first introduced by L. Peter in a humoristic book (of the same title) describing the pitfalls of bureaucratic organization. The original principle states that in a hierarchically structured administration, people tend to be promoted up to their "level of incompetence". The principle is based on the observation that in such an organization new employees typically start in the lower ranks, but when they prove to be competent in the task to which they are assigned, they get promoted to a higher rank. This process of climbing up the hierarchical ladder can go on indefinitely, until the employee reaches a position where he or she is no longer competent. At that moment the process typically stops, since the established rules of bureacracies make that it is very difficult to "demote" someone to a lower rank, even if that person would be much better fitted and more happy in that lower position. The net result is that most of the higher levels of a bureaucracy will be filled by incompetent people, who got there because they were quite good at doing a different (and usually, but not always, easier) task than the one they are expected to do.

The evolutionary generalization of the principle is less pessimistic in its implications, since evolution lacks the bureaucratic inertia that pushes and maintains people in an unfit position. But what will certainly remain is that systems confronted by evolutionary problems will quickly tackle the easy ones, but tend to get stuck in the difficult ones. The better (more fit, smarter, more competent, more adaptive) a system is, the more quickly it will solve all the easy problems, but the more difficult the problem will be it finally gets stuck in. Getting stuck here does not mean "being unfit", it just means having reached the limit of one's competence, and thus having great difficulty advancing further. This explains why even the most complex and adaptive species (such as ourselves, humans) are always still "struggling for survival" in their niches as energetically as are the most primitive organisms such as bacteria. If ever a species would get control over all its evolutionary problems, then the "Red Queen Principle" would make sure that new, more complex problems would arise, so that the species would continue to balance on the border of its domain of incompetence

In conclusion, the generalized Peter principle states that in evolution systems tend to develop up to the limit of their adaptive competence.

The Red Queen Principle

"..for an evolutionary system, continuing development is needed just in order to maintain its fitness relative to the systems it is co-evolving with.."

Since every improvement in one species will lead to a selective advantage for that species, variation will normally continuously lead to increases in fitness in one species or another. However, since in general different species are coevolving, improvement in one species implies that it will get a competitive advantage on the other species, and thus be able to capture a larger share of the resources available to all. This means that fitness increase in one evolutionary system will tend to lead to fitness decrease in another system. The only way that a species involved in a competition can maintain its fitness relative to the others is by in turn improving its design.

The most obvious example of this effect are the "arms races" between predators and prey, where the only way predators can compensate for a better defense by the prey (e.g. rabbits running faster) is by developing a better offense (e.g. foxes running faster). In this case we might consider the relative improvements (running faster) to be also absolute improvements in fitness.

However, the example of trees shows that in some cases the net effect of an "arms race" may also be an absolute decrease in fitness. Trees in a forest are normally competing for access to sunlight. If one tree grows a little bit taller than its neighbours it can capture part of their sunlight. This forces the other trees in turn to grow taller, in order not to be overshadowed. The net effect is that all trees tend to become taller and taller, yet still gather on average just the same amount of sunlight, while spending much more resources in order to sustain their increased height. This is an example of the problem of suboptimization: optimizing access to sunlight for each individual tree does not lead to optimal performance for the forest as a whole.

In sum, in a competitive world, relative progress ("running") is necessary just for maintenance ("staying put").

Murphy's Laws

hear out laws from Murphy...

Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Military Laws: 1. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

Murphy's Military Laws: 2. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

Murphy's Military Laws: 3. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

Murphy's Military Laws: 4. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

Murphy's Military Laws: 5. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Murphy's Military Laws: 6. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

O'Toole's commentary on murphy's law: Murphy was an optimist.


Lets hear from others too...

(Douglas) Hofstadter's law: Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even when you take into account Hofstadter's law.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Cannon's Comment:If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law: Everything goes wrong all at once.
O'Toole's Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations: "Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results."
Lewis' Law: No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The Airplane Law: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Sattinger's Law It works better if you plug it in.
Lowery's Law: If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Schmidt's Law: If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Anthony's Law of Force Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Peer's Law: The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Anonymous Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Anonymous Don't get mad, get even.
Knight's Law: Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Benchley's Law of Distinction: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
Harver's Law: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Schmidt's Observation: All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
Rule of Accuracy: When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Anonymous Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
Wyszowski's Law: No experiment is reproducible.
Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment.
Anonymous Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense.
Clarke's First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Segal's Law: A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Vique's Law: A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Jone's Motto: Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
The ultimate Law: All general statements are false.
The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something; If it is good, it goes away. If it is bad, it happens.
The Whispered Rule: People will believe anything if you whisper it.
The First Law of Wing Walking: Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
Farnsdick's corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Langsam's Law: Everything depends.
First Postulate of Isomurphism: Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Witten's Law: Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.
Perkin's postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
MacDonald's Second Law: Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
Anonymous To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Horngren's Observation: (generalized) The real world is a special case.
Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, follow instructions.
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Peer's Law: The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Lyall's Fundamental Observation: The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
Klipstein's Observation: Any product cut to length will be too short.
Sueker's Note: If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
de la Lastra's Law: After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Anonymous Design flaws travel in groups.
Gerrold's Fundamental Truth: It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.
H. L. Menchen Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.